"law is above everything," that's the common phrase in this world.
everything goes by rules and law, so there will be order and just in everything. why do we look for these stuffs when the there's actually no fairness in this world? all because of God's Love.

what is actually law?

law is love. the love for the people. why?
1 Corinthians 13

verse 4 to 7,
love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. love does not delights in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protect, always trust, always hope, always perseveres.

Love is all good.

is love equals to law?
to a certain, yes. =)

Law has always been patient to us. under care of our parents, and law has spoken to those who are young( physical age hor, not mental age hor.). it's being taught in school not to break laws, and if you under certain age and break law, police uncle will give you a warning not to do it again. of course there's sure someone go and break the law, they choose to do that(i also have no choice).

somehow this world is realistic, it's not holy here, not like Heaven(where you cause someone to die there, God can raise that person up, or maybe you will just cry out and do not sin any longer, the person will automatically say sorry to you.), too much different in this realistic world. no longer what it was during our parents' time, where thing just cost 5 cents or even less.

i cant feel anything about care and concern from people nowadays, except from those who are older, more elderly.

what is people is working now?
why are they working?
how much love they need?
or... are their heart already hardened?

personally, i have a hardened heart sometimes. but at the Cross, it often reminds me about the pain and suffering that He brings to me. of course there's a urge for me to kill the roman soldiers, but did everyone realise that it's all for Love?

what hardens my heart?
a lot of things,
the phrases in one's life, people doesnt seems to care to change, the people "heck-care" attitude towards other lives.
but i still give thanks to God that, i am born into this world to save His people and change their mindsets.
couples always say, " i will there for you forever," , "i love you", and at the end of the day, they are just wanting each other, desiring to be with each other a lot, not loving each other and at last, break up.

what is real love?
i dun really have a real answer but it's somewhere around God's love. and maybe the verses above will be my best answer. =)

what's next? who knows. =)

Father, please look after us, our community. =)

~what is real love?~

before i start, i need to give thanks first... and the person is God!
thank God for such a good spiritual and biological families, my work mates and my buddies! without them, all my secondary school memories will haunt me. but compared to others, mine considered peaceful =)
thank God i have a group of good brothers. other than my brothers in cell, there are a lot of them in other places, like all the polytechnics in whole singapore and ITEs also.

yesterday service was great, it's all about love. thank God that it again makes me understand that i am being blessed with His love before i can love others.
to see all most of my non-christians with gf(short form for galfriends), often i came to this conclusion, most of those who are not christians required love and attention. i really give thanks to God that we are able to enjoy so much without much from the world, we all rely on our brothers and sisters.

pleasure from this world is great.
but everything must be moderate,
because the key is within our control. we control ourselves, our souls and spirits, and of course our choices to decide to sin or not, because we are all set free from His son, Jesus Christ 's Blood.

what is sin?
sin is something against His commandments, but everything will be forgiven if you are repentance, going back to Him.

and what ever that is, christians aint easy.
why?
tell you next time.

~what is real love?~

finally back from the 3 days powerhouse camp.
however not much feelings in it, maybe there's a breakthrough but, just cant felt it. be true to it, felt nothing except tired. maybe my brain is not functioning well lol. okay, the camp is enjoyable and yup, just that i dun have the strength to continue only. why?

because i dun think i have sufficient rest during my normal days, haha. =)
and alamak!
i forget to give thanks to God's Grace and Chris for the blessings! =(

first day was raining the whole day!
after briefing, we are giving instructions to go according to cell level to stay with in tent, we were given 4 tents while others have one or two only. thanks to Chris. when we are pitching it's also raining but not really that strong. thanks to God. and yup after we pitched finished all the 4 tents, we are being gathered, and soon the rain became stronger. all were being called to go into tent. thanks to Chris,w e have only used up 3 tents and there's one more spare! while all were lying comfortably in the tent, Hui Mun, Guo Wei, Terrence and me were all worshipping. yes, strong presence of Holy Spirit was within the tent. maybe our voices not that good, but we are worshipping God with our hearts and soon we went into prayers, led by Guo Wei. prayers and worshipping God makes time passes slowly but it was being well spent. after all prayers and worshipping, the weather makes us tired and bored out, but inside all our hearts we are praying that the rain will stop. and we made our way to Touch Centre. i wore a jacket and made my way there. of course we have our pants and everything wet, only our bibles are well protected, slightly wet. praise God! =) it was kinda long because everything was dragged and nothing much is done. the most sad thing is at night we have our supper our camp site. when all thought that we can sleep in our tents, tents were already leaking lol, but by God's Grace, ours are not. there's a lot of things that God has given to me, and for now i just realized. hope it's not too late, and i repent. =)
everything was being transferred to blk 80, the one oppsite chapel. a night is spent there, but A-pa, committee and facilitators are not spared for early nights. i think it's all about training one's endurance and perseverance.

what is presented is just only surface,
but the heart behind all of these are blessing us. =)

second day! no rain! yeah! hallelujah!
and we went for 7000 challenge!
first, vertical challenge! everyone are supposed to climb a flight of stairs. and thanks to God, none fainted during the process, even though we have late night the previous day. everyone was super high to climb, and even though i slept only 4 hours, i can just the Lord's joy is so strong within not only me, but within everyone. guess what?
total of 10061 storeys was being climb all of us! hurray!
nothing is impossible with God. =)

second challenge! ball pass!
was it tough?
no.
was it fun?
quite.
was it meaningful?
yes.

what i understand from this game, perseverance in the long run of Christian walk: with Unity in Christ, there's nothing cannot make it. also it's by God's Grace and our faith. certainly there's a burning desire within our team member's hearts that we will get the most number but of course we didnt get the most number. out of all things, coordination is the most important, and believing that you can make it.

people will often said they cant even settle their personal problems, how to care for others?

waves in seas are like obstacles we faced in our everyday's lives. it's always coming. not only coming everyday, but also affecting us in all ways. however did you realise that, even if you have problems, when you learnt to help others, you got a solution for yourself? maybe it's not about what you have currently but it's about your attitude. =) the amount we run is nothing, compared to His Love.

and guess how many times we have passed the ball?
11931 ball passes! within 30 minutes...by we newbies! =D

3rd challenge! mud run!

how do you feel about running in mud with barefoot? disgusting?
change you mindset! it's so cooling and fun! haha! poor Lynette got a lot of mud prints on her back of white shirt. =D
and we intended to sabotage Joy after everything.

what's our challenge? 7000m?
i gradually felt that the 7000m challenge was actually a disguise of one thing, Love for the whole world, the Unity within the Body of Christ. these are actually what is built out at the end of our whole run.
everyone knows that the distance of 7000m cannot make it, but in the end 16020m is being run either barefooted or slippers on by we, 100 plus of people.

lots of fun and we are tired, especially the late night till 4am with cluedo.

the ministry that Ps Adrian gone through at the second night, i will never forget. the time when we are to go to our leader, our dad, to give thanks, most of us cried, i am included. =).
he suffered rejections, he blessed us and lots more are done throughout the whole year. very grateful about that, even though he is tired, fatigue and lots more, he is just simply trusting God. and i wondered can i do that? and will i wished to do?
a good example of christian...hmmm
*hint hint, must follow!* =D

a role model is set before us, and thus most of us will be doing the same when we have our own spiritual children.

a lot to share lol.

~What is real Love?~

there's a lot of things to learn from this world.
how does the people from the world guard against themselves, and what are we doing.
as i was talking to my dad, he said learning is learning, and it should be a type of pleasure, but never fall into it, same applies to religion. hmm, at this point i am confused. what do he mean by never fall into it?

is it because it's something you will lose control and unable to control to do your own stuffs?

well to this point i am not doing it as a religion, because i dun even dare to say it out, and i am sort proud of Jesus yet still, kinda shy to tell others. being a christian has been something different in the world's people eyes. and till this day yes, i do mind how people look at me as a christian. also there's once i was being questioned and rebuked,
am i practising His ways well?

i also know that everything i do in my life certainly has reflected my God, like our upbringing.reflected on the teaching of our parents. so i am very careful about everything i do, so careful that i am even paranoid sometimes. of course to a certain extent i do allow myself to let out, not being to strict to myself, otherwise i will just die under stress. lol. yet i will still make mistakes, learn from them and of course, know how to say sorry when mistakes are made.
a leader will put down their humility. =)

interestingly, Chris wrote a devotion:
"But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me."

is it because when things are done in human ways, the things will get distorted when passing down to other generations?

that's why man has to keep coming to God everyday, repenting and reflecting a lot of stuffs in our lives with our loved ones. every action in our lives need to pray over, review and reflect at the end of the day. that makes a christian's life, but it's fun. =)
humans' ways of seeking pleasure, points of view, actions, whatever we do can never be perfect. often we said practice makes perfect, yet within there's still a factor within, that's pride. often makes one so proud, whenever there's a mistake make by them, they will still deny it.

there comes in humility. something that concerns whether one falls when he is on the way to leadership.

while talking to my real father, he also said that dun lose control of yourself, and to that i agreed totally.
do indulge in it, for Jesus gives it to you, but remember not to overdo it, otherwise devil can use it to harm you to your physical and mental body, and when you said it's from Jesus, others will mock at you, and you are so wrong. Jesus will not cause you to make mistake,it's often ourselves, either we dun want to listen or we only listen to our voice.

well just now indulge in His presence again. =)

relationship,
something between two person, a male and female.
it's something that very complicated and time consuming.
there's once i almost have it, but i completely lost it. *T_T*

heard one of my friends about breakup.
patch up and break up, what is the actual aim behind the relationship?
people often have lost heart in relationship, lost their goal in a relationship. appreciate what each other has done to each other, something sweet.

the last one that i really loved takes me around 2 months to heal and till now, i finally let go. still will miss her, still will care for her but towards the attitude of treating her like a sister with respect and love.
she took shorter time to heal and let go.
guys took a longer time to heal in feelings, not gals.
i think guys towards life will become more focus, of course dun talk about those who two timed at the same time. those kind are... felt like swearing but, they are just not good. =)

till now, i still dun dare to go into relationship.
there's a shadow behind everything i do and wanted to do, haunting me.
scare hurting another gal, scare dad dun allow and emotion very unstable, lots more.
but i still dun mind to get one after all. because the best, we can walk together in our life, ups and downs, are all romances and sweet memories in our lives, simply unforgettable. =)

been lonely for past 17 years, life is good with Jesus. =D
well that's relationship.
can see what is in the future? i cant have the vision because i still lack of my her picture to complete the beautiful ending of first part of my life. =)
relationship in church is kinda tough also, like what Ben has said.
between God and Man, God certainly weighs more.
how about you?

for now, i just trust God.
and yes, i will search!
take it all! haha! =)

submit submit submit! =D

~Leaders are people who do things people can never understand.
Because they are God's chosen ones, totally non-logical in all means.~

has you ever listen to His voice before?
when is the last time you heard it?
has you ever been stopped by God in doing something?
and lastly,
what is faith?

heard His voice recently? yes, when my friends scold me dumb and something that is bad. well, all i heard is dun listen to him or them, and dun care! haha! =D recently papa Chris keeps reminding me about my personal life, boundaries, and guarding against words, from others and what is coming of my mouth.

do not even out swearing and cursing near your mouth,
for whatever you say, just speak about His righteousness.

oh well, my crappy attitude is out now! woo hoo! life is good! =)
felt kinda blessed to hear from Him, because God doesnt just speak anyhow.

just now, wanted to tell my project mate that i dun care about other people, because most of them will procastinate i feel, unless someone talked about that, and that is my personal feeling. i...

*Be careful of what you are typing.*
His voice again!
Praise Lord at the Highest!

whatever that is, my stand is to bring them together and yup, it seems like my handphone bills is going to cut off lo, almost $300. how to communicate without phone? well there's prepaid card, which seems like much suitable for me, because call as you pay.

what is faith actually?
i didnt know that well, until i went to have supper with them ('Gabrielle', 'Jamie', 'Michael', 'Nathan', 'Tracy') together. talking to Gabrielle when he was driving me back from Changi village, and realised that, everything i simply do, they are just submissive. and everything that i know i can do, it's all by faith. i didnt believe, i just know i can do it.

and i realized that, since you got that guts to ask people whether you want to buy these great healthcare products and share with them abruptly, why dun you tell them the greatness of Christ? not really a lot of people can accept but you do it out of goodwill. after that start you can go with more stuffs and make a closer relationship with them. isnt this a good thing? or a God thing?

just believe God and do it.
that's faith.
and certainly that day after talking with 'Gabrielle', it has surely bring me to a new sense and level of understanding in faith. that day is the day which i felt that i have learnt so much.

for now i still havent finish something.
what is it? dun tell you =P.

cya guys around. =)
and remember to give thanks to God in all circumstances. =)

i know the loading to my page is super long.
bear with it, i will do something =)

for now,
and forever,
i dunno when i will fall,
but there's something i am sure...
it's just to hold onto you. =)

~Leaders are people who do things that others can never understand.
Because Leaders are God chosen, doing things totally non-logical in all means.~

finally felt the strain in the temple of God.
really tired. has been a few days keep 1 am then sleep till 6 am.
but luckily still got the strength to finish my attachment smoothly. but it's kinda sad that i am going to miss leaders' meeting cos my attachment time for tomoro is from 12pm to 9pm. haiz. sianz.

oh ya, for those who knew big shawn, just wanna tell you guys that he is holding a chalet at pasir ris. hope is the one i am hoping for, hees.

favouritism, man are closer and all traditional thinkings, does it really matter? i dunno. certainly, it does matter to me, and of course recently i talked to Gabriel about that. apparently, this kind of thing, what, when and how our elders or parents show it to their favourite child will have a certain type of behaviour to reply to that favouritism.

promises. something that we hope that someone will do it, since hthat person has promised.
attention. i realised that all i need is God's attention. i know everyone will have to try the best to get everyone's attention. yet i realised that i dun live for them, but for God. yet at the same time i also am living for them because they are God's people,
and remember what Jesus told Peter, "if you love me, feed my sheep."
of course i also dun wish to be like Joseph's brothers.

To love Him,
it's to love His people.
not only caring is included, and yup, there are more factors.
life is not just simple living,
it's more about building others' characters, purify this world.

there's something i have always worried, Death.
but guess what i heard from our pastor?
unless i have already graduated from this world, i will not die that early. that provides if i take good care of temple of God la. lol. amazing, but of course if He wants to take my life away anytime, i will say no, and stay until that most of the people are being saved. =)

what will come to me? i dunno.
i only know that poor pair of eyes have been to pushed to the maximum le.
my eyes conditions are,
dry.
shivering.
cant even see well.

must sleep early wor. but luckily dun have gf to nag at me, but got Chris lol. i must go and "poi-poi" lo before "orh-orh" lol.
i also must pray hard that tomoro leaders' meeting will be held at NUS! haha!

inspire Lord,
whatever i become.
i may lead a simple life,
yet this simple life is not gonna be simpler than living in Your Presence. =)

Remember to give thanks in all circumstances!

~Leaders are people who do things that people can never understand.
Because Leaders are God's people, totally non-logical in all means.~

today the message is simply powerful!
it's so strong that it can make me stop, pause to think, reflect and i almost jumped out of the seat and walked away for away 3 times! can wonder how strong is that?

but that always help me to link from the past stuffs, that what He has told me, everything is all linked, and yup, time will come and everything will end at there. allow time to show everything by it's own, let nature takes its course and put everything at His Hands. for now, all i need to do, i just have to submit.

did you missed today's sermons? if you do, i will suggest that you go and listen online at our church webby. if you know who i am and where i am spiritually born, no worries just go to listen, guarantee plus chop no regrets of wasting time! =)

well today is just a simple day for us. papa Chris just came back from hong kong, dunno whether he managed to get something for us, hees. however all my brothers who are reading this, please pray hard for him, work plus ministry, he is just simply trusting God. being his spiritual sons, we will have to keep asking God and help him to push on, of course to find his 12 by the end of this year.

what is the propectic word in your mind?
want to carry out? seek your community for advice, for there's protection within the community. =) and remember to submit.

no matter what give thanks to God in all circumstances =).

that's all for today!
attachment tomoro, hope can see something new, hees! =D

thank you Lord for this everything,
i may fall away,
i may drop down,
i may reject everything,
but to you,
i will submit.

~Leaders do special things which people can never understand.
Because Leaders are God's chosen people, totally not logical in all means.~

yesterday was a great day!
oh man didnt managed to post anything yesterday =.=!
super cool la! we went to changi village for nasi lemak, heard that that place is famous for that, and i kinda understand ba. i mean, as in, sort of.

yesterday Alive concert was super fun and very meaningful!it's all about going home, to Lord Jesus Christ and knowing which choices that one makes. it's a waste that anyone miss it. the songs are played by our "Accord" band are wonderful, especially "I Can Only Imagine" is soooo nice! and the video is so touching that everytime you watch it, your heart will be moved and you felt like crying. what is it so touching about it? you go and see in Youtube and you know. =)




from left, Leo, Ee Jay the Judge and Nataline the Clown!

Ee Jay's Judge of Death Outfit super "cool"! like phantom of the Opera one lol, except that the mask just covered the eyes only.

Nataline's Clown of Choices outfit doesnt look like clown and she knows how to "screw" people when she wants to lol.


Poor Elkan.. =P



Nataline and Aunna, from left to right.



"Tian Xia De Wu Ya Yi Ban Hei"!



my group!


i looked like a wreslter yesterday. one mask with red and black strips, a round cap, a black tie, wearing a pair of slippers, an orange shirt, a pair of berms with my jeans inside, a red wrist band and a red scarf, a jacket and last but not least, a hangover for handphone. all these add together plus weather = super hot! with these thick clothing, in the end cant do and move much, so no choice had to give Bao Ling to do most of the team arrangement and tying them with blindfolds. but i am not in the pictures, haha!



the Judge of Death is giving the verdict.
i never worry anyone will win me, because i doubt there's any suit his "special" taste. =X





KAWAII des!



Joshua in disguise!



Elias without hands! oh my goodness! it's so lame, i mean myself =P.



Ben's group!



Yang Rui's group!

All of us put in effort in everything that can be done for the whole concert to run smoothly, and praise God, everything did run smoothly! =) Because God is with us. Nothing is said out during the running of the programs, but the presence of Holy Spirit is very strong, it's like every moment you are in that place, something is moving your heart.

well guess what? the day is not ended yet.. it's dinnertime!

after dinner, we went for a basketball game, of course must change first. so i took Gabriel's car, no i mean Chris's car to Gabriel's home to get extra pants and between the journey, we talked a lot about our family, our friends, our personal lives and of course our spiritual dad and family.
and i finally discovered that why Chris always say that i am not ready for relationship and indeed, i agreed with him.

firstly, i am not accountable to him everything.
secondly, i am not very open up to a lot of things, and there's a difficulty to express my feelings.
lastly but not least, most of the times, i am not willing to submit.

all these points i cant see it from my personal point of view.
of course there's still a lot of things i cant see. must change.
there's a lot of things we cant see it, others must tell us, otherwise we can never change it, it will be worse when we get stubborn. it's okay that you dunno about yourself but dun act ignorant towards it, be wise to accept it and change it. it's never easy to be a christian. haha. but it's fun to be one. =)

finished a basketball around 10pm then go to terence's house to wash up myself. and here come a challenge, either me or gabriel is using the master bedroom's washroom by "scissors-paper-stone". and guess what? gabriel uses 5 fingers, while me uses 2 fingers. i am sensitive to images. certainly it's maybe by understanding my this brother? or maybe psychic? but before anything, it's certainly by God's Grace. =)

do you believe in vision? a image flashed through. well, i now then understanded it. =(. okay nothing to proud about, but the vision tells me something, something very special about myself.
after all the bathing, we went out to the respective cars and off we go to changi village for supper, famous nasi lemak!

other than nasi lemak, i kept on eating stingray and the kai lan, but felt kinda guilty when i saw terence was scraping the fish bone. zzz. *sian*

maybe the fish is really that good and carried me off. i repented. *zzz*

after all eating, we went for transvestite-hunting!
speak truthfully, they are really beautiful, some are more beautiful than women. and that place has a real "famous" zebra-crossing. well, we are kinda lucky to see 2 at that place because to "them", that time is still early for them.

okay time to go home le!~
playing all sorts of christian songs, old and new pops. they are all nice no matter what time we listen, and guess what? my day ends at 3 am! =D

but yesterday was a real day of breakthrough, thanks to Gabriel. =)
hey brother! thanks =)

~Leaders are special people who things that people cannot understand.
Because Leaders are God's chosen people, totally not logically in all means.~

saw papa Chris's devotion. he is indeed the chosen one for us. maybe there's greater calling for him, i can see that is coming. as his faith was tested, so do i.

everything in the world i dun like to compare, but truthfully, the world is indeed very different from the world. of course my faith was tested like papa Chris. but his is to a greater extent and mine compared to him is like nothing. of course we are in different areas so, cannot compared. though so, there are a lot of world values from businessmen, people of philosophy. the thinking they have about the world have already distorted, and i think one of main purposes being a christian is that, change their thinkings.

what is life experience? do you think you have enough life experience and should you run around the world one time before you get into the world?
if you think yes, you are wrong. throughout your life journey, can you guarantee that you will go without wrong before stepping into the wrong steps? even our fathers, mothers got their mistakes. and guess what, they can only teach you what is happened in the past, no longer now, because this is a new generation! where people tends to get more relaxed and more selfish. i know my world will be a mess without bible. moreover there's too much theories from man to man, and all that thanks to evolutionists' ideas and thought.

man is the creation of God, an image of God. that means we uphold some strengths and uniqueness in us. so those who think that they are useless, please do not think so. not just because being the image and creations of God, it's also because one chapter, Genesis 5.

marvelously those who has talents did not took away by God, but those who are not that special, are took away by God, but that will also means you have to be a christian in a right way, seeking His kingdom and righteousness, obeying His commandments and lots more.

in this world, isnt it too much values from great businessmen to follow, just to be success? well guard your heart then, because it's your choice, not even God can force you to choose it.

our God is a very interesting God. why?
He wants today to rain. He can just rain like that, with the skies blue and clear, but in order to make it convincing to man that we can predict the day is going to rain, He just have to increase the amount of sunlight to evaporate more water to increase the humility in the air, then use wind to collect them together.
this also shows how He loves us. like a drama series, premake things looking like it should be.if science can explain most of the things, what about this? i like science but i also doubt it, because a son of God believes in miracles, efforts and consequences.

i hope i dun miss Him out in my simple life. =)
life should be simple from the start to the end.

Praise God for these everything!

~leaders do special things that people can never understand.
Why?
because Leaders are God's people, illogically in all means.~

today after attachment made an effort to go down to one of my best buddies's father's wake. kinda sad to hear that.

my this buddy, a guy who is very concerned and protective to me(luckily my heart is not stoned yet), and he is those kind who seems doesnt care a lot lol. he is also the guy who bring me to church. from the start, God uses him to teach me through observing his life.

he doesnt have a smooth life journey. both his parents have left him in this sinister world. both mum and dad died of illnesses. i dunno what to say, except that if he is with the Lord, i believe that his father wont left, or maybe yes... what he have left now is an elder brother and his girlfriend. what should he do in the future? i dunno, only He knows. was that God place and create in his life? i also dunno. only time will tell.

recently being confused by a lot of different feelings. love? jealous? anger? bitterness? and somemore? emotions are kinda settled. haiz, sad still cannot handle my emotions, anyone can tell me? sadness still can, because that will only happened to those i love and care for, and i know everything is going according to His will, except if man wants to break it, which is totally impossible without God.

visions and visions, simply too amazing.
when you know you can see what is coming on your way, you are so excited and no fear in you. somemore God can help you to stop what is coming to you through and you can escape from that. just that you have to be observate and attentive to everything that is present to you.

music music music, everyone loves that! i loves chinese songs, but the others in my "s" family like english songs. haha! my singing cannot reach the standard.. because i dun have that standard at all. haha! no matter what it is, praise God! =D

is chinese christian pop rock on others' hands?
who knowS! =D
but certainly there's a market for it.

hmm and quite tired out these few days.. attachment plus so late then sleep. eyes are going bonkers and images begin to split more and more. zzz. must protect it lo.. and what should i do now?

ahhh attachment is fun! B1 ward, not bad, but charges is around SGD$210 each day, but didnt include extra treatment wor. so next time choose, ward C is good enough. people may not respond to your need, but there you can meet a lot of people. so much that hey you may not have ennough have fingers plus toes to count! haha! =D

time to sleep! wahaha! cya guys around! =)

~Leaders do special things that people do not understand~

seeking His kingdom and righteousiness and everything will be given to you by faith.

i think i am at the right path, but i dunno whether i am right or not, self doubt and amazingly, i managed to quit my job without having a second thought, even though my manager's manager keep persuading me, and trying to change my thought, using logics.
How to speak out my mind by using... i shall call it, "the Christ theory".
it's a special theory, so special that only christians (or people who have the same frequency as mine) can understand. somemore my boss's boss is someone ,who is a non-christian, can say things from white to black, and turns black into white. amazing? i dun think i want to learn that, i just want to learn how to submit, otherwise, i can distort all others thinking. i just want simple obedience. it's very simple, yet it's very hard to follow. but there's one thing he's correct, i hoped i won't fall away from my ministry, which i most probably will because i know i am still a human, not because i doubt my vision but myself.

from there, God gives me a vision of one sin, greed, and i have already fallen into it, but praise God! it's not too deep yet. because i knew that i have fallen, that's why there's a need to pull myself out, otherwise when i pushed my position closer and closer to the car incentive, i know i cannot take myself out. somehow personally, the system is quite doubting.

was it an act of Satan's design?
i checked my heart.
G12 seems to be like it but G12 is totally not.
It's also about leading but it leads to one of man's main sins, greed.
It confuses people easily.
People can fall away from church when they concentrate on this job.
Love is not found in it. it has only concern, one main "ingredient" to make Love *sounds so wrong lol* , but it's not Love. concern still require other "ingredients" to complete the whole process.
Aim is money not love.
no sense of fulfilment.

and of course there's lot more of it. i am just wondering is it an act of satan to change everything.

"the Christ theory".
all about God.
something that intelligent people cant really understand well.(because intelligent people try to find all reason to submit, but it's impossible!)
it requires your faith and simple obedience.
no doubts, just follow, submit.
dun worry if you failed in following Christ if you lose your way in Christ because of your leader as he/she will be accountable to it.
lastly, no fear in doing everything.
even the world falls, just hold on the world if God asked you to do so.

i realised something, i tends to use logic to understand what God is trying to, but there's no logic. it's all by faith and miracles. a retard may not understand what people in the world doing, but as long as he follows the Lord i guarantee plus chop that nothing will happened to that retard, who has become a wise guy, when he follows God. =). just His Ten Commandments can leads you wisely lo. you say la, if you finish the whole bible, you are super smart.. in Christ. hees =D

God do things illogically when man do things to have logic support it. God uses miracles to do things, while man requires reasons.

trying to figure out what He plans for you to do next?
just ask your cell leader can liao. =)
but must submit hor!
and remember last thing,
give thanks to God in all circumstances!

my dear bed! here i come! =D

~Leaders do special things that people cannot understand.~

there's a breakthrough in life today... really glad. =)
my heart and my tears flows as words spoke out of my mouth, asking for repentance, and thus repentance is given...even writing this tears are also preparing from my eyes. my heart now is like the song "heart of worship"...

Devil: you can never be that righteous in front of Him, though i am trying, and we can never do, because He is too holy.
Holy Spirit: remember what Jesus has done? what is His purpose on the Cross?

a new "myself", what can i bring to the world?
dunno.
am i a hinderance?
yes, like to disturb others training,
what should i do?
okay, not my field, and i shall go away, submit to what my authories that asked me too. of course i understand the reason.

Life is hard to get by nowdays, either i am super free or super busy. sian, i just hope something in my life will pop out... like my nanny!

past few days i saw my nanny. age is catching her, and no longer that fit. but can see that she still misses us and loves both my younger sister and me. of course we did miss her but maybe not as much as her ba. she is a very kind and strict lady. because she taught me well when i was young, otherwise you can see i am walking with my anterior half of my soles, like a demon lol. asked her to miss us when she's free, she is still that sweet. =) and yuppy! today saw her again! yeah! =)

yesterday i have a family dinner at my residential area. after that while everyone went to buy something else, except leaving my father and me, i wanted to hold his hand, like when i was young, but you know what he says? he said people will think that we are gay lol. alright dun hold nevermind. =) it was a nice catch up with all my "life-builders" in my life.

every moment is so sweet. =)

i began to realise that hey, maybe the relationship between our family is still there, but what really changes them and their views?
love
what make people trust each other?
love.
what will make us want to change their bad habits?
love

it's all out of love.
certainly that's something the world lack of. wherever people goes, they will still find ome the best, because love is in it, no matter what is it form or from.

and how can they felt it?
simply when a whole family go out for meal, you can just initial to take something and place it on their bowls or plates, of course take something they like, and they will feel your sincerity.
it's a type of respect.
it's a type of serving and honouring them.
it's an act of love.

i heard that before people who are being served, that person must be very helpless or "weak" in certain ways. but to my point of view, i think it's a type of humility, even a leader for the nation will also have to serve their parents. i dare to challenge that type of thinking. no matter is there any religion values, and my question is that,
not even our parents deserve this type of serving and respect?
who are them?

of course i dislike that sentence to a very much extent.

my feelings are back, and i seems like i know myself. it will take a super long time, but i will continue my journey to know who i am, what i am in His plan. being rational is something i dun like, but i know i must do it.

Praise Lord for everything,
and give thanks in all circumstances!
Hallelujah! =)

~Leaders are special people who do things that people do not understand~

my handphone went dead today, but very shiok! haha~!

not i being not responsive, but yup i decided to give up that because it;s doesnt suit what i really wanted. i realised that it's two different and i dun want to sink too deep as there will be more responsibility for me and throughout my years as my days passing.

i still prefer ministry to my part time work.

all my lecturers who have become nurses before, they said they have never regretted before. i believe them, because they are very good teachers, real good. and hey gal. if you are out there, come to my school for your further development in nursing ba. =) i believe that you sure can make a far ahead.

whether is it money or not i dun care, because what i have with me, my amazing body, is already costly and expensive to me.

my body parts:
-multi purpose
- wear and tear can be self healed
- can reproduce cells
- can fight bacteria
- can enjoy good food and music
- and so much more,

*terms and conditions applied - must let it rest.
*while stocks lasts* hees =)

passion and money?

knowing that without money will be tough for me to get on, but without passion, my soul will be drained out, making me fatigue in spiritually, mentally and physically.

i believe this is a test of faith in my career and my purpose. =)
what is my real purpose? more answers ahead to tell me. =)

whatever that is, there's more coming throughout the days of my life.
and always given thanks in all circumstances =).

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

passion, is something i found in Him, His values and His commandments,
for God is Love.

ask and you shall be given,
seek and you shall find.

~Leaders do special things that people do not understand.~