this is supposed to post up but didnt manage to finish it.. lol.
continuing now. =)

woo hoo! any one didnt "lou hei" le ma?

haha! i had my past few days back. it's really fun when you go out with your spiritual family, seriously.

these few days i am really free, other than helping out in Crush, maybe seems like really nothing to do. slack here and there, then somemore attachment is in 1 to 2 weeks time, cant find work, really sianz... lol.

so.. reflecting the past few days stuffs happening. a lot of things happened.
hui qi left, new members, reunion dinner, meeting yi long, seeing some my frens, spending the whole day with brothers and a-pa, and yup a lot of things touches me during that period of time.

especially reunion dinner that night.



see the food? after that we...



"lou hei"!
fa cai, fa cai, fa cai! haha!
dunno when has the time to have it with my other frens and buddies...zzz.

that night, when i went home, i saw Polar pastry. it is famous for its pastry. i was happy to see that, but my stomach no place. i thought it's chicken pie! but in the end it turns out to be two hotdog rolls.

"haiz, hotdogs rolls... i dun like..." ran through my mind. zzz. awww, that's me.
well God showed me something as i know my heart is not right, and repenting.
He showed me that, hey, this pastry isnt that simple.

it includes:

the thought of the buyer, my biological father,
who is a person who loves the family and gives everything to the family.
something that i appreciate a lot.

the passion of the person
who makes the pastry, and waiting for his final product and the hardwork.

and it makes sense that why i tear for just that even the simplest hot dog roll, because i really loves my father and appreciate him lots, real lots. somemore, he maybe able to afford these few pieces of these branded and expensive hot dog rolls, it's like he has to spend a bit more, yet his simple passion for the family is just there to make him to sacrifice everything for this family, and i am amazed. =)papa Chris also doing that too, and i am appreciating that. =)
but at the the same time, i wanna give thanks to God for giving me a soft heart and the spirit of content. =)

God just simple revise the lessons i hav learnt, Amen to that. =)

and it takes a lot for a man to do that... agreE? =)


thank God for my everyday.=)

=True love comes with a price of death=

yesterday evening was so fun!

sang kbox!!!
and was soo soo fun!
well we are not born singers so zhao xia and or miss beat sure got, but it was sure worth the price. average price for that night was $23.10, but guess how much was the 'k-ing' plus buffet? $24!! got abalone, got sahsumi(hope i didnt spell wrongly), and more and more and more. these few days i always feel that my stomach cant feel anything even though i has eaten, and that will means i will have to eat more, which means i am fatter lol. okay, whatever that is, the food is certain up to standard and we keep on....
eating, singing,eating, singing, eating, singing, eating, singing,eating, eating, singing.

shiok sia! haha!


this was the amount of food that is on our table! a lot hor?
more to come actually!

then comes chicken chop, steak and then chicken chop, and you know what? it all taste quite good la! serious! =D

and all went home with a bad throat. well we used our diaphgram to sing liao, but becos all the songs too power le, throat to control the pitch, and in the end, all no voice lol.

woke up around 9am and prepare myself to meet gab. he seems tired and today he is kinda up and down lol. but let's start from me, hees1! =D

this is part of NTU



it's in the centre of the whole big university. and this not even takes a large portion of the school lol.
after all NTU is a very beautiful school, but just like what gab said, it's too open, a lot of "cao" but hardly any "hua" and surrounded by a lot of "shu mu" lol!

and i spent half a day at gab's house playing racing game, something then "burnout" de. lol super shiok, then we went for tennis. a leisure badminton player is hard to adapt tennis playing style. but still manage to have some fun lol... and gab became like this at the end of the day...
become like that..




what happened? ask him lo. me not telling =P

today a question came to me.
everyone says they love their spiritual parents, but how much is their security and trust is placed on them?

for me to Chris, 100%!
i want to give thanks to God that, i got a great brothers around, always be good examples for me to follow them, wah, so many living examples, if didnt learn from them, i "lu-gi" sia lol!
a lot of people who built up my life....

and i really thank God for them.

=the truth price of Love is Death. thank You my Lord.=

some things done and some things have not finished.. how about you?
whateva that is, it is time for Chinese New Year!... woo hoo! =D

when was your love pass by you?
was there a lot of things not for people to know?
and you are there trying to lie to people about some stuffs?

yeah yeah that's me. haha.

this is the thing that really confuses me sometimes.

dunno what to describe... or maybe through this.. :

the feeling is joyful,
the presence is present.
the sense is desiring,
the absence is absent.
beautifully it is in the eyes of beholder.

always protecting,
caring all ways,
always dwelling,
grieving all ways.
what is within it,
no one knows about it,
neither words can describe it.

beyond all, it becomes true
when it's ripe.
though rooted deep within,
it freeds you.
it becomes freedom,
true freedom,
when you know how to protect it,
bless it,
and let go of it.

what is it? i dunno. anyone can give me an answer? thanks=)

thank God i went to Gab's house today, otherwise i really dunno what to do for today andGod's grace upon my family.
did God test you today?

there is a lesson that He taught me well, and how much He loves His people. but who can see? =)

haiz, must make myself to emotionless... haha
then wont go and think so much things. lol.
no relationship for now,
neither have feelings for any gals. =D
why?
because, i believe they can find someone better than me. and sometimes must bluff them... am i cruel? zzz =.=

whatever that is,
Glory to God. =)

= True Love comes with a Price of Death. =

it was a long day.
yet it is still great. i wanna give thanks!
typing all these in a dark room while my father is sleeping.. lol

i want to give thanks that i am still having kinda good health even though i slept only 4 hrs and took my exams. praise God that i am still able to survive the whole exam lol, even though it almost make my brain go "steamed" to a certain extent that it almost overuse, going to blackout soon.

out of those, i am very grateful that throughout the exam, the sense of peace that provided by Him was there, strongly. even i woke up late for exam, around 8am and the exam was 9am, the peace was reassuring me all day long, and yup, i reached the examination hall before the door closes for reading time for the paper. but guess what?
i didnt go, and i heard one of the teachers in charge there said, "act cool" lol.

maybe i am, but does it matters me? i doubt so. under that circumstances, i do believe i need to cool down and clear my mind for any thoughts and give space for that exam, and of cos... must put God first la. =)


yeah! finally cut off from examinations and studies... now going out to work lo. only left with some things to write on the booklet, skills that i have to look out and practise. but that's really fast man. too fast le, just a blink, it's coming to feb and chinese new year. i am amazed la.

but whatever that is, i want to raise all my sisters and brothers to be spiritually attached to each other. thanks to God, He gives me a pair of eyes to observe and a ways-0f-man-thinking mind to think, i began to understand people's thoughts. it all happens when you believe that God created everything for good.

why must pessimistic comes in front of optimistic?
i believe when everything is started from good, we can see bad things also.


oh ya, have you ever thought that...
"could this guy/lady is fated or was it God sent to me?"

but could you ever thought that even though "i am always thinking about this, how come this doesnt happens to me?"
from an angle it can be a desperate call that others have, you also want, becaue that happens to me sometimes, when i am too free lol.
and that will be a good reason why i should keep myself busy.

papa Chris told me this once,
"if you keep thinking about it, it will most probably not going to happen,"
i believe it is true indeed.
whether it is true or not, well, i believe i will be the perfect one, instead of looking for perfect one. some may think words are easier than action, but when you are in action, you become more resourceful and busier person.

i guess i dun want to be a...
good man,
bad man.
i just wanna be a son of God.
whatever comes, let it be.
even it is relationship, i will put it aside,
because i want to bless my partner. =)

thank you Lord for Your Mercy daily on me. =)


~True Love comes with a price of Death.~

today was a long day.
study for a while, found that nothing can go in, or kept falling to sleep. seems like i real tired as my soul goes with the songs, and my eyes will swirl round... and round... and round.... *booo* here is my hand or my head or my eyes are close.

i want to give thanks to God that even though i may fail my paper, i will still give thanks because everything is so amazing, such as there's peace that holds me throughout the day, even there is a lot of anxiety in me, too much, even when i am doing, there is a lot of possibility my heart will go berserk anytime lol. but seriously till now, i didnt even have the feeling to smile, even though it's over.

emotions and facts... do they hold you? facts tell you that most probably you cant make it, but you know that emotions will come strongly and it is sure unstoppable.

feelings for a gal is so easily happened?
or what is that something makes us to think it in such a way that actually all gals can be accepted but is it a type of self deceiving?

this is for me.
i like the gal, yet i know she is pretty but i finally understand something. and God told me this everytime i want to choose a gal by look.

was it the body you love?
or was it the soul you love?

love can be given to anyone, but different amount of love and doting to one can be show out the difference. there is actually a lot of factor stopping me on my consciene, but the way she does her thing certainly probes me towards her more and more, into emotion. very strong and it's very hard to be rationale ba.
well usually the logic wins all things... zzz =.=
not fair. =P

but whatever that is, i will ask papa Chris. =D
time for show and then go into studies before sleep haha. cool man. =D
today is a great day actually, because great is our God. =)

thank You Lord. =)


=True Love comes with the price of death.=

i want to give thanks to God today. He has reassured my soul about my studies.

you may be worrying, my son.
but it's your choice not to get it.
for you have confessed your sin,
My Grace shall be upon you,
and Forgiveness shall flow onto you.
whatever that is now,
dont worry, child.
it is what it is, try your best.
remember to give thanks.

well today is the day when all O' levels results are announced.
have you done well?
is your result not that good or is below your expectation?
or is beyond your expectation...?

maybe it is not something that i can comment, and pardon me if i hurt you.

you have tried your best for that period of time. =)

whateva that is, let it be the past... and yup, let it be a start to new life. =)

things may appear to be hard, but just persevere because you will discover more things as you persevere. =) never allow your intelligence to doubt yourself. =)

i also want to give thanks that, yeah! i got a job after exams! =D
i dun mind the working hours and the amount of money, just that as long as it gives me time for service and cell. no more request.. hees.

the heart of father... i began to feel that. it all starts with caring and love. more than that, you have to experience yourself. haha! =D
and something i will struck down down together with the unity of all christian, the Body of Christ. what is it? haha! you will never know. =P

thank you, God.
for Your Grace and Your Love. =)


= True Love comes with a price of Death.=

i want to thank God that my mum give me my pocketmoney to have breakfast with my brothers and, a sister, i think. =)

today was an early start of the day!

5:20am! i was awakened by then,, for breakfast with one of my brothers!
it was a great breakfast, and challenging one too! lol. =D

it's not easy to wake up so early, especially some of us slept around 1am or 3am. instead of "it was a bad day", i have a super long but enriching day!

cmbio two more chapters and i am going to finish it! wahhahaha! =D
but my FON, (it's not Full Of Nonsenses but it's Fundamentals Of Nursing.) ,which is my first paper i didnt even managed to study at all yet! now stressed, luckily got com.. and out of all, still got God. haiz... everytime think of FON = stress... didnt even get the notes yet. really must pray hard lo.. and yup must confess my neglection lo. T_T

and must cast out the fear...
whatever happens, give thanks to God in all circumstances! =D

valentine is coming!
got any partner to go with you for a date?
or are you going to church?

it's going to be a lonely valentine again, i guess, and that is something i hope will not happen this year again. but i know something...
seriously,

now is not the time to look for someone i love,
but someone i can care for,
just in case i hurt my beloved again *if i have*
something i really dislike myself to do.

3 years thingy, 13, 7, what does all these things mean?
wait, wait, wait... should i think so much? guess not. =)

guess not. haha. =D

We gonna
dance dance dance in the freedom we know,
We gonna
dance dance in the freedom we know,
We gonna
dance dance dance in the freedom we know,
because the freedom we know is gonna last forever!

yeah!~
be a simple man! haha!

now the best thing i can do is TLC to all my sisters and brothers!
and they are all i need for now... of course i must know more frends too! haha!
must pull them up, make sure they grow deep into Lord's words... hehe! =D

Those who are taking O levels results,
i dunno what and how to reassure you, except asking you to seek the Lord.
whatever it comes, let it be,
for it is God's will, and give thanks to Him, in all circumstances. =)

must have confidence wor!


=True Love come with a price of Death!=

today was kinda great day.

went to school for revision cos exams is coming. found out that i can only listen, i dun read and encode much into my "storage-of-information" except through listening.

though kinda disappointed, i will still try to make all of us go.
but why?

allow me to ask you a question.
what is your priorities in your life?

this one is my one. =D hope my friends saw this won't be disheartened lol.
God, Self, Family, Ministry and Work.

family family family!
where you can find the strongest strength of support and moral to raise yourself up a powerful person. yet that is the part who people take it for granted?

personally, this is true to me. i have taken my whole family for granted, and through my spiritual family, i am ashamed that, only till now i understand.
parents, they will always say, "aiya! my neck pain," and complain and complain that here pain there pain. we heard that everyday and we see them everyday, but did you realise that, their freckles and wrinkles are growing more and more? maybe those SK 2 can reduce a bit. but truthful, nothing last forever, except God. =)
I thank God that He has changed me a lot. too much. within a year, my temper has changed, things are taken more easily. my cognitive processes are more logical and creative nowadays.
but whether is it God or not, have you been appreciate what your parents do to you? like when you are still young, your parents hug you tightly to a private clinic because you are breathing very hard or sick?
i also want to give thanks to God that, i have great and understanding parents. though we might not be rich, certainly God has made me to appreciate more of them, and the simplicity of life. and why home is created?
it is not created just for you to rest or stay only, but more. when do you got your first kiss from your parents? where do you feel the most comfortable to sleep?
pocket money, what do you think that is for?
my mum says it's actually an advance pay for us to do household chores lol. to me, i think it's for me to go school to eat, to have more strength to study? i think that is a blessing. to the world, there's nothing free in this world. so how did you get your pocket money? it's also through your parents. when is the last time when you saw your parents worked? =)
God provided us with a covenant before our marriage, that is family. without it, i think people can survive without family, but what's within it, it's the family warmth and love.

dont think your parents has shown you great love? think of the past then. great memories, are not for us to dwell in and live in it, but to make it as a dream to be true again.
so love them, treasure them, for your life is a part of them. =)

and who is in your family? =)


recently,
I felt there's a rise in power and order in my spiritual family, finally. Chris's disheartening heart was there, long before, but praise God that he has also pick up several persons to become leaders in the family! yeah! =)
hope our Lord can look over this covenant that my god daddy, Chris Fun, made with God.

my friends, i will continue to pray that all of us will receive salvation in Jesus's name i seek ask and pray! Amen!

=Finding someone i can bless, hees!=

7 and 13.

two of my favourite numbers. always come up to me during sermons and around my friends. why not other numbers?

i am now tryin to look for the answers lol, whether is it within the bible, or human's lives.

and why am i looking so hard? i dunno. lol, really i dunno.

how can i love a gal, when i even myself, dunno how to care and concern for my sisters? hmmm..

today is a great certainly a great calling from God. every word is spoke into my soul, strongly. i think everyone who went there knows that.

Father,
look after those who are seeking for You,
like You have promised us. =)

= True Love comes with a price. =

seem like i am going to have a long blog this time.
*woot* (O_O)

thank God that i am back into His Kingdom, again.
just after the encounter camp, a lot of things came up and i was almost to the edge of knocking out.

Praise and thank God that i am still here, mentally stable and prepared for the future.

lots of thoughts came to me before encounter and after encounter.
before encounter, i was preparing my heart to encounter God, and i did.
a lot of things came through my mind, especially one image.

the image was like a set of clouds with light shining out of it. and i was not praying there, but a lady, wearing white sleeveless dress with long hair. and certainly i am not talking about ghost stories. =.= *zzz*

she was kneeling on a platform like those in piers, and on her left is the ocean. the whole of sky is covered with clouds. she is holding both of her hands, praying hard. i dunno what is she praying about.
is it a desire from me or a vision from God?
i hope and believe by faith that it's a vision from God.
but i do know something. she is sure a woman of God. =)

after that image came, a lot of things happened. my heart has found peace within, especially when my great burden is being released (or carried by Jesus, Amen (= ), and my strongest sin is released its bondage from me, a lot of healing went through. though my tears were little, they are heavy to me.

from there i also get know of my brothers better, especially Guo Wei, Jun Yong, Shawn Tan, Keelin, papa Chris and myself.
looking at papa Chris, he has struggles in his life, struggles that is greater than us and i am sure that none can understand a lot much, except Gabriel, Guo Wei and Ah gong, Chris Tan.

papa Chris is our guide and certainly we have benefitted a lot. encounter eat pizza, you have that experience? no? but we have! =D
a lot of times, he try to share with us and certainly he blessed us a lot, so much that we cant even handle.
you can just see.

every leader has the blessings from God. as each generation passed down, the blessings of the previous generation is being passed down too, and that will means, the blessings we have now is overwhelming lots! and our cups cannot hold so much, so it overflows!
but it's good to ask for more, just like pepsi =D

days doesnt just end at encounter camp.
it is only just the beginning.

a new thirst for Him, the seek of His wisdom is being unlocked dunring one of the leaders' meeting. the strong hunger, makes my heart once again, soft and again, His words come to me.

"Son, are you too busy with your stuffs, and always be so fast in everything that you took me out of your wonderful life?"

and yup, i did and i repented.
now trying to change. =)
and that day when some of us going home, everyone sense a new anointing and strength within us, and a smile in our face. =)



see? =D

and now comes problems surfaced within my friends,especially one couple.
what is a relationship?
a question flashed through my mind.
why people who has such good mate, want to give up? was that because are they too free to think a lot, and their thinkings went haywire?

i doubt anyone can find it, until they see God is over their lives. and Praise God! he put someone in my life and i saw that. through them, i also saw that it's really man's will to whether they want to do it or not. well maybe sam and i didnt do a lot of things, we do hear her out and from her teary eyes, there's still love from her to him. she spoke about his good from his bad, and i know that. no one will speak of that unless it's out of love.

she did appreciate what he has done to her in the past.
but has he? i dunno. =)

and now they are back again. seeing them together is something that really makes me glad, and may my God in Heaven built a covenant upon them by Grace.
life is once simple. but why man make it complicated?

went back to school, with lots of works coming up.
projects, assignments plus house modem break down makes my life worse, but i still give thanks to God of His Grace. and a sentence came to me," give thanks to God in all circumstances."
going to people's house to use their com, or borrow laptop from my elder cousin and same school as me, rushing here and there, without His Grace i wont be able to finish my work, especially my Nursing Research de.

1500 words, with only 1 research reference in my studies. how to write? lol. supposed to hand up on thursday, but it was postponed to friday.
in the end i am still able to finish and of course, missed out a lot of parts.

this week is sanctification week and i encountered God again.
it brings me back to the church that Chris Tan and Ps Serene was married. the cross in the ceremony room flashed through my mind. that cross is special, because that was the time when the boys were sitting there, seeing them preparing for the day of marriage ceremony. and i saw the brotherhood spirit within us. i will never forget that day because, that day Daryl was acting like a pastor preachs, or talking for service lol. after he does, i was being asked too. well of course at that time we still cant speak like pastor, but at least now can a bit ba. hees. =)

personally, a strong hatred was against them when they left, but confessed that Lord i have sinned against you and my brothers, and i repented. =)
God, please forgive me. =)



my best best best classmates-cum-buddies-cum-friends-cum-sisters!


ze jun and me!


tsz yan and me!

my classmates, i can say i have the best classmates. they are always there for all of us. we loved each other like sisters and brother. why only brother, not brothers? because within 4 gals in this group, i am the only guy lol, who is always mentally abnormal. they brought me laughter, thinking and taught me what is team building.
i am an independent man, so i dunno what is family building. this is something important i missed in my life. they taught me a lot, concern about each other, sharing woes and troubles.
they are good and simple people.
thank God for them. =)

everyday, i took my dad's motor to school. thank God for His Grace upon us. each day, i was thinking what happened if my dad and me got an accident?
hope there will be the salvation of Christ is upon him. He has changed a lot within these few years. from a busy father to a loving father, giving up a lot of things for family.
thank God for that, and i know He is doing something within my family. =)
my intercession prayers is working, thank God. =) and that doesnt stop there. i will still continue till salvation comes. =)

the Spirit of Excellence, was also brought up to me.
i know i must do something about it.

thank God for these everything.
Glory to you, Jesus. =)

++ True Love comes with a price of Death. ++