Felt bad today, because I had actually forsaken God for one of the temptations that I am facing, that is relationship. I do realised that there is a dryness in me, and it's only through encouragements and the care from the people around me, and ya, thank God for them.

"Are you a full timer?"
"No, part time."
"Your service is very good."
"Thank You." *Smiles*
This customer, actually came before, and back to try something else.
The very fact that I got so delighted by an encouragement from a customer, it made me recognising the dryness within. This dryness is usually replaced by the worship songs from my mp3, but recently my mp3 ran out of battery, and I was busy rushing from my home to work. The encouragement, is also from God, who saves me everyday. (:

Secondly, it kinda makes me sad when I like pre-believer.
Well, there is my type of gal, and I kinda like her. On the other hand, she's a pre-believer. Too bad. The distance, physical wise, it seems to be near. However, in other circumstances, our distance seems to be so far away from each other.

Eh, this kind of "liking" feeling is something like a crush, which is not good. I am attracted to her because of EROS, which is like, attracted to her by physical looks, which is not even something at all, as compared to Love. And yet, when this question, "who will choose, Me or her, at the end of the day?", that God had asked me, disappointing enough, I chose to forsake God.

I confessed and I repented during the way to take bus home. I really hope that I will not become either of the basketball boys just left after God and Dad have done some good and makes me grow, and even like Peter. I want to be someone who is better, and not lacking of God, Dad and the families that I have.

Another thing came to my mind, as I reflect and read Dad's devotions
Till I read Dad's devotions, one sentence came to me.
"As much as it was my desire to see him become an officer, for all the glory and honor of it, the whole experience brought me to another question - a very important one: 'what do you want to get out from your 2 years in military?' "
Certainly this is long enough, but this is a sentence, no fullstops. (:

What do I want at the end of the time, and what is my relationship with God, and what is my relationship with God is based on and built with?
Was it something so weak, so easily to falter?
And... am I working towards what I aim for?

I want my relationship with God is good, at all times.
I want all the people to be saved at the end of the time.
But this relationship that is built with Him, is based on... I do not know how to answer this question.
5 For I consider that I am not at all inferior to the most eminent apostles. 6 Even though I am untrained in speech, yet I am not in knowledge. But we have been thoroughly manifested[b] among you in all things.
7 Did I commit sin in humbling myself that you might be exalted, because I preached the gospel of God to you free of charge? 8 I robbed other churches, taking wages from them to minister to you. 9 And when I was present with you, and in need, I was a burden to no one, for what I lacked the brethren who came from Macedonia supplied. And in everything I kept myself from being burdensome to you, and so I will keep myself. 10 As the truth of Christ is in me, no one shall stop me from this boasting in the regions of Achaia. 11 Why? Because I do not love you? God knows!
12 But what I do, I will also continue to do, that I may cut off the opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the things of which they boast. 13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. 15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.
2 Corinthians 11: 5 to 15 (NKJV)

I was looking and reflecting about these verses, and to understand the revelations that God gives Paul and what really hold Paul to be so long in ministries.
It can be a lots, but what really holds Paul in Christ, is to spead the good news. His relationship is built on His faithfulness towards Paul, especially in times, when God gave Paul grace in the earlier days.
Paul built his relationship with God based on one thing, that is Paul saw that He loves his people, providing the optimal level of godly love. Godly love is something special from us.
That will be my foundation - Godly Love. (:
I will work from there, going towards my life in reaching His people. (:

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”- Psalm 100:4-5

After all,
Thank God for this great revelation today. (:
and Everyday. (: