Let loose of myself towards all discipline.
That is what I have been doing for the past few months. But what's the difference this time?

I used to let myself to be controlled by my own thoughts and own reasonings. Ultimately, realised I am self satisfactory, I can't apply the things I learnt to teach others, in broader areas.

Practical faith doesnt exist, as I saw one of my friends' nickname in msn.
You are working towards something you wish to achieve and kick away. After months of trying, you seems to achieve it due to your own reasonings and subjective towards others' views. But when you reached that goal, how are you going to maintain it?
How are you going to keep on growing, without Him?
What's the difference between a prayer, who you seek Him and asked for when you are weak, and a reason that you kept yourself not to sin?

Why do I let loose of myself this time from all discipline?
Due to the past, when that time, all that I had done was just to please the eyes of the man, not to please the eyes of God. A reason for me to abstain usual bad habits. And this time, I let loose of myself from all discipline, beacuse I found out that those reasons that I used to abstain from sins and temptations, are nothing but theory. The strength dies off, as soon as you are able to meet that criteria.
But as I set myself and pray towards Christ, I do realised that I need to keep on going, and He will stand and walk with me, I lay all my weaknesses down on Him. As He shows me He is the reason that I should abstain from all temptations, that's where my real struggles in life begins.

During the time I was using reasons to abstain sins, I do expect something good back.
But this time, when I set my heart towards Christ, I do not expect anything.

My weaknesses is exposed once and again, but He is always there for me.
He will tell me," Hey son, I guess you fall again."
"But dun worry, let us try again."
"And son, you need to guard your part of that life even stronger."
Our Dear Father in Heaven, thank You for Your Love. You raised me up.

It is the same in the studies. I used to study because I like it and it's my passion. But when everything dies off, you know that you will have to just hang onto there and keep going. When you set your heart and mind towards Him, He will be your standard.

Holy, You are Holy.
All my life I give it to You,
'Cos Your Holiness is all I desire,
You're all I desire, my Lord.

Nick doesnt use any ways to change himself. All that he has done, is to just trust and believe, what is written within the Bible. And the Lord leads me to John 11: 25:
25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

Do you actually simply first trust, and then believe? (:
Or are you let Martha, only knows Him? (: